PIE #3 - COCONILLA COCONUT CREAM

“It has your name written all over it!”

Countless friends have exclaimed this when they encounter signs or products that bear my surname. Judging by the dozens of pictures forwarded to me by globetrotting friends, "COCO" is evidently a common word in many cultures. The photo collage below features a few of my favorites. Check out the photo in the center which displays a misspelling of the word “cocoa”, at an institution of higher learning no less!

Inspired by the apparent ubiquity of the COCO name, pie number three in my Reprise of the Pies boasts COCO in it, literally. COCO means “coconut” in Spanish and this pie is a variation of the classic coconut cream whose origins are purportedly European but gained popularity in America during the 1800s when dried, shredded coconut was marketed and became readily available.

Have you noticed that I’m on a cream theme? I extend my apologies to the lactose-intolerant and will experiment with dairy-free recipes at some point this year. You’ll also notice I haven’t veered from crumb crusts. I won’t dare step a toe into tricky flour crust recipes quite yet. Dough crusts can be challenging divas. For now, I’m sticking to the ease and forgiving fudge factor of crumb crusts.

This week’s pie recipe actually debuted as PIE #4 in my 2011 pie blog. The day I wrote that blog entry, the mercury had dipped to minus 22 degrees. I whined and sniveled at cold temperatures back then in the same frozen vein as my laments last week during the sub-zero deep freeze. Coincidentally, as I type this blog entry, it’s also 22 degrees…above zero. It’s predicted to soar into the upper 30s next week! That’s a 70 degree difference, a veritable heatwave!

Last week's banana cream pie recipe had me lost in a balmy Hawaii reverie. Those warm thoughts will linger on this week with COCOnilla COCOnut Cream Pie. Nilla wafers comprise the crust and inspired the COCOnilla name. COCO Lopez cream of COCOnut enhances the custard filling, and crunchy bits of toasted COCOnut dot the whipped cream topping. My surname truly does pop up everywhere!

FUNNY FACT: I discovered that coconilla is a perennial shrub that originated in the West Indies. The plant bears a juicy berry that is used for medicinal purposes, specifically spleen issues. Coconilla is extremely sensitive to frost and needs sunny conditions to thrive. Even partial shade will compromise its growth. I bet a few of you sun lovers who live in cold climes can relate!

So with great fanfare I present to you a fan fave from the 2011 archives: COCONILLA COCONUT CREAM PIE. It ranked in the top five of my most favorite pies that year. Most appropriately of all, it was created at the COCO Cabana!

CRUST:

50 Nilla wafers, crushed

1/4 cup butter, melted

Thoroughly blend wafer crumbs and melted butter. Press into an even layer against bottom and sides of a 9 ½” pie plate. Bake in a preheated oven at 375 degrees for 6-8 minutes. Cool.

FILLING:
1 1/2 cups sugar
1/3 cup cornstarch
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cups half and half
1 1/2 cups low-fat milk (1% or 2%)
6 large egg yolks
3/4 cup cream of coconut
1 1/2 teaspoon coconut extract
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 tablespoons butter

Combine the sugar, cornstarch, and salt in a medium-size heavy saucepan. Whisk in the half and half, milk, egg yolks, and cream of coconut. Cook over medium heat, continuously whisking until the mixture starts to thicken and comes to a boil, 5-7 minutes. Continue to whisk and cook until quite thick, about 1 1/2 minutes. Remove from heat and whisk in extracts and butter, blending until butter is melted. Immediately pour the filling into the cooled pie crust. Transfer the pie to a wire rack and let cool to room temperature before refrigerating for at least 5 hours or overnight.

TOPPING:
1 cup cold heavy whipping cream
1/2 cup sweetened flaked coconut, toasted*

When you're ready to serve the pie, make the topping. Using a chilled bowl and beaters, beat the cream with an electric mixer until soft peaks form. Smooth over the chilled pie. Sprinkle with toasted coconut.

*To toast coconut, spread flakes on a large baking sheet and place in a preheated 325 degree oven for about 10 minutes. Watch carefully and stir the coconut every few minutes to ensure even toasting. Remove from oven when coconut turns a golden color.

PIE # 2 - MONTANA BANANARAMA

 It’s a cruel, cruel winter.

Remember Bananarama, the British pop group whose hit “Cruel Summer” reached the top ten on song charts in the early 80s? As I sit here thawing out after tackling farm chores in minus 33 degrees, I’m croaking out the lyrics to this song, albeit with poetic license.

“It’s a cruel, cruel winter, leaving me here on my own. It’s a cruel, cruel winter, now that you’re gone.”

My hubby, who normally handles the outside chores, has taken his scout troop on a weekend campout thus leaving me on my own to handle all the tasks in his absence. I layered on every piece of arctic weather gear to brave the cold and I still shivered. But no wonder, with the windchill factored in, it felt like minus 50 degrees!

It’s a cruel winter indeed for a former tropical girlie to endure the coldest mercury reading of her entire life. I’ve learned to embrace winter over the past three decades living in Montana. But in this very moment as my frost-nipped fingertips tap out the second installment of my pie blog, tropical montages play out in my mind. I’m strolling along a golden beach, sipping a fruity drink while gazing at surfers riding the waves on a sapphire sea. Palm trees gently sway as sunbeams peek through their fronds, and from a distance a mellow ukulele melody floats the island breeze.

This Hawaiian reverie is the inspiration for Pie #2.

I’m in Montana and I’m frozen
Banana pie is what I’ve chosen
To the islands we shall go
Leave behind the cold and snow!

Introducing MONTANA BANANARAMA at the COCO CABANA!

The crust is a shortbread. The addition of ground macadamia nuts and grated coconut lends a spunky Hawaiian punch.

The filling is last week’s vanilla custard recipe sandwiched between ample slices of ripe bananas and billowy clouds of freshly whipped cream. You’ll need a 9 ½” deep dish pie pan to show off this pie. You’ll likely have some custard filling leftover. Chill it, add some sliced bananas and serve it to your gluten-intolerant friends! If you’re a Montana huckleberry hound and have huckleberries stashed away in your freezer, toss in a few for a summery taste of the Treasure State.

It’s a cruel, cruel winter where frostbite threatens, but one bite of Montana Bananarama pie will stave off winter’s woes!

MACADAMIA SHORTBREAD PIE CRUST

1/2 cup macadamia nuts
1 cup butter, softened
1/4 cup light brown sugar
1/4 cup confectioner's sugar
1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/3 unsweetened grated coconut

In a coffee mill or small blender, grind macadamia nuts until a thick paste forms. Using your hands, mix macadamia paste, butter, sugars, flour and coconut together in a large bowl. Squeeze and work dough until it holds together. Press into a deep dish 9 1/2" pie pan making sure the dough is pressed a little higher than the lip of the pie pan to prevent shrinking during baking. Chill for 2 hours. Preheat oven to 325 degrees and bake crust for 15 minutes. Cool.

VANILLA CUSTARD FILLING

2 cups sugar
½ cup cornstarch
Scant ¼ teaspoon salt
2 1/2 cups 1% milk
2 cups half & half
8 large egg yolks
4 tablespoons butter, cut into ½” cubes
3 teaspoons vanilla extract
3 ripe bananas, sliced
1/2 cup huckleberries (optional)

Combine sugar, cornstarch and salt in a large, heavy saucepan (avoid Teflon and other non-stick pans). Whisk together milk, half & half and egg yolks and add to pan ingredients. Whisk to incorporate. Place over medium heat and whisk nonstop until the mixture begins to thicken. This should take about 5-8 minutes. Once it comes to a low boil, continue whisking until mixture is quite thick, an additional 1-2 minutes. Turn off heat and whisk in butter and vanilla until incorporated. Let cool on counter for one hour.

Line cooled pie shell with one layer of sliced bananas on bottom and up the sides. Add a few huckleberries to bottom layer if desired. Fill pie shell with cooled custard. Chill for several hours or overnight.

TOPPING

2 cups heavy or whipping cream, well chilled
2 ripe bananas
1/4 cup each chopped macadamia nuts and toasted coconut for garnish (optional)

Prepare topping when chilled pie is ready to be served. Slice bananas and place atop pie. Using a chilled medium-size bowl and chilled beaters, beat the cream with an electric mixer until soft peaks form. Continue beating just until stiff. Mound the remaining whipped cream over the bananas. Sprinkle with chopped macadamia nuts and toasted coconut, if desired. Slice and serve! This is a rich pie, so slice into conservative portions. You can always go back for seconds!

PIE # 1 - VANILLA CUSTARD

Custard or Pastry Cream. Will the real pie filling please stand up?

The confusion surrounding these two terms is as muddled as curdled pie filling. In my search for clarification on the difference between custard and pastry cream, I ended up more befuddled than when I began.

One source stated pastry cream is actually a custard with a creamier texture and is used for filling eclairs and cream puffs. Pastry cream is thickened with flour. Custard, on the other hand, is typically thickened with cornstarch.

Yet in Ken Haedrich’s “Pie” cookbook, he calls his cornstarch thickened filling a pastry cream.

I’ve decided to use the word CUSTARD because it rhymes with FLUSTERED which I’m becoming and also rhymes with MUSTARD which has nothing to do with pies other than it's yellow which is the color of custard.

With the PTSD I still have from my vanilla CREAM pie curdling debacle of 1974, naming this a CUSTARD pie feels like I'm starting with a clean, curd-free slate. 

Speaking of curdling, there’s a gross explanation as to why some creams and custards won’t set properly. According to Ken Haedrich, using the stir spoon to sneak a taste test and then returning the spoon to the mixture can spell disaster. Saliva contains an enzyme that breaks down starches which can impart a watery texture to your custard. EWWW! Definitely a very inhoSPITable environment for creating the perfect pie filling! 

I think I’ve BLUSTERED enough about CUSTARD. I present to you PIE #1: VANILLA CUSTARD PIE

The graham cracker crust contains cinnamon and vanilla extract which adds flavor depth. Splurge and use pure Irish butter for both the crust and the filling. Trust me, it’ll boost the texture of the custard as will farm fresh eggs whose firm, vibrantly colored yolks will lend a richer color to the filling.

Remember, as you’re stirring the filling, be legit and don’t emit the spit lest your custard be unfit!

The crust recipe will fill a 9.5" deep dish pan. 

GRAHAM CRACKER CRUST

18 graham crackers
1 ½ tablespoons sugar
¼ teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon salt
5 tablespoons melted butter
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
1-3 teaspoons milk, if needed

Place crackers in Ziploc bag and crush them to the consistency of fine bread crumbs using a mallet or rolling pin. Transfer to a large bowl and combine with sugar, cinnamon and salt. Add melted butter and vanilla extract. Stir to incorporate. Using your hands, clench a handful of crumbs to see if it holds together firmly without crumbling. If necessary, add 1 teaspoon of milk at a time to reach that firmness.

Place crumbs in pie pan and press until evenly distributed on bottom and up sides. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and chill pie crust in refrigerator for 15 minutes.

Bake pie crust in preheated oven for 8 minutes. Remove and place on cooling rack.

In the meantime, prepare custard filling. Be literally stir-crazy when cooking the custard lest it seize up and curdle. Start out with a medium heat setting then slowly reduce the heat level as the custard begins to thicken. I used both a whisk AND a wooden spoon simultaneously. Ain’t nobody got time for curdled custard!

VANILLA CUSTARD

2 cups sugar
½ cup cornstarch
Scant ¼ teaspoon salt
2 1/2 cups 1% milk
2 cups half and half
8 large egg yolks
4 tablespoons butter, cut into ½” cubes
3 teaspoons vanilla extract
Whipped cream (optional)

Combine sugar, cornstarch and salt in a large, heavy saucepan (avoid Teflon and other non-stick pans). Whisk together milk, half and half and egg yolks and add to pan ingredients. Whisk to incorporate. Place over medium heat and whisk nonstop until the mixture begins to thicken. This should take about 5-8 minutes. Once it comes to a low boil, continue whisking until mixture is quite thick, maybe an additional 1-2 minutes. Turn off heat and whisk in butter and vanilla until incorporated.

Pour filling into cooled pie crust. Cool on counter until the pie reaches room temperature, about 1-2 hours. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate several hours or overnight. Garnish with whipped cream, if desired. Enjoy!

PROLOGUE - MISS MIRANDA'S VANILLA CREAM PIE

PTSD: Pies That Spurred Disaster

My first pie fiasco took place in 1974. Miss Miranda’s junior high school home economics class was the scene. It played out like an episode of Mission Impossible. Miss Miranda’s mission, which she unwittingly chose to accept, was to subdue two dozen giggling teenage girls and mold them into mini Betty Crockers, a tall order for a young teacher short on experience.

She divided us into squads of four and assigned our first recipe: Cream Pie and Graham Cracker Crust

On typing paper Miss Miranda had handwritten the recipe and made copies on a mimeograph*. Being the sentimental hoarder that I am, I’ve held onto that 3-page stapled handout with its faded purple ink and food stains of yore.

As we studied the handout, Miss Miranda shrilled in an imperious Julia Child-esque timbre, “You must first master the basic recipe. It’s easy but make sure to not leave out any ingredientses." No, that is not a typo. Miss Miranda said "ingredients-es". She pluralized a plural. Perhaps that was an omen. If something so easy had multiple ingredients-es, then its easiness was already suspect.

My squad headed to our cooking station. Two girls tackled the thankfully simple graham cracker crust. Another classmate and I attempted the cream filling which consisted of sugar, flour, salt, milk, egg yolks, butter and vanilla extract, seemingly innocuous ingredients. Our end product? An unsightly coagulation of curdled chunks suspended in soupy filling and dotted with errant cracker crumbs. Our pie had self-destructed in five seconds. MISSION FAILED.

In my 2011 blog, I replicated Miss Miranda’s vanilla cream pie recipe in homage to that intrepid teacher. I experienced PTSD: Pie Tasted Somewhat Delicious. There was room for improvement. For 2024’s reprise of the pies, I’ll share a vamped up version. I’m hoping for a MISSION POSSIBLE!

But for now, and for kicks and giggles, here is Miss Miranda’s original vanilla cream pie recipe in all its retro glory. Check out how the graham crackers are to be crushed in wax paper. This recipe was created B.Z. - before Ziploc! And notice how butter is referred to as table fat. Can you imagine going to the movie theatre and requesting table fat on your popcorn?

Rest assured if you attempt this, you cannot possibly botch it like I did during the Failed Pie Mission of 1974. Can you almost hear Miss Miranda raising her voice above the din of chirping teenage girls? "Don't leave out any ingredients-es!"

*Those of you aged 40 or younger, I’ll spare you the google search: a mimeograph was a dinosaur of a precursor to the Xerox machine.

GRAHAM CRACKER CRUST:
12-14 graham crackers (to yield 1 1/2 cups of crumbs)
2 tablespoons sugar
1/3 cup butter

1. Place crackers on waxed paper. Crush to fine crumbs with rolling pin.
2. Soften table fat, add sugar to crumbs. Mix well.
3. Press mixture firmly into greased 9" pie pan with back of spoon. Bake at 400  degrees for 8-10 minutes.

VANILLA FILLING:
3/4 cup sugar
1/3 cup flour
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 cups milk
3 egg yolks (slightly beaten)
2 tablespoons butter
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

In saucepan, combine dry ingredients. Gradually stir in milk. Cook and stir over medium heat till bubbly. Cook and stir 2 minutes. Remove from heat and stir small amount of hot mix into egg yolks. Return to hot mix. Cook 2 minutes more, stirring constantly. Remove from heat. Add butter and vanilla and blend well. Pour into baked pie shell and refrigerate.

THE PIBLE

PIE + BIBLE = PIBLE

You won't find “Pible” in the dictionary. I cooked up that word in 2011 when I began my search for a pie reference book to guide me through that year of pie making.

Back then, my collection of 200+ cookbooks yielded not one book on pies. I recall owning a "Martha Stewart's Pies and Tarts" book, but it sat forlornly on my bookshelf like a neglected orphan. I think it ended up in a yard sale. Or maybe it ran away in the middle of the night, jealous of all the attention I lavished on my cake cookbooks.

My cake books were aplenty.
I counted over twenty!
The bookstore yielded many more.
But pie books? There were only four.

I’m a poet and I know it.

In 2011, the local Borders bookstore stocked 36 different cake cookbook titles. That year, of the mere four pie cookbooks on that bookstore shelf, I ended up purchasing “Pie”, a comprehensive reference book written by pie maker extraordinaire, Ken Haedrich. The 640-page tome promised to be the perfect Pible. The author's passion for pies spilled over the pages of the book like a hot torrent of bubbling blueberry filling. Chock-full of tips and brimming with detailed instructions, I wasted no time hoisting my Pible to the checkout counter.

I reached out to Ken to alert him to my 50-pie goal. He lived in Annapolis, Maryland at the time and coincidentally my son was there enduring his Naval Academy plebe year. Ken was gracious enough to respond to me, offering any assistance in my newbie endeavors and inviting me over to meet his wife Bev and savor a slice of pie.

Fast forward to 2024. I scanned the shelves at the nearest Barnes & Noble and counted 13 cake cookbook titles and 14 pie cookbook titles. Evidently pies are tipping the scales, a baker’s dozen years later! What’s even cooler…I spotted a new Ken Haedrich pie cookbook titled “Pie Academy”, a befitting nod to his years living near the U.S. Naval Academy.

I am now armed with my dog-eared and butter-stained copy of Ken’s “Pie” and a crisp new hardcover copy of his most recent book “Pie Academy”.

Pie #1 is in the queue.   
Oh my, it's pie déjà vu!

I'm a poet and I know it.

REPRISE OF THE PIES

Flashback to December 27, 2010. I resolved that day to make 50 pies in 2011. Why? Because though I loved to bake and was capable of creating yummy desserts, mastering a decent pie had eluded me. And in 2011 I would celebrate my 50^th birthday, so 50 seemed the ideal number. 

I blogged about my pie in the sky wishes that year. I posted my weekly attempts on a blogspot site titled “As Easy as Pie”. I had a grand total of twelve followers. My editor friend Richard published my weekly baking endeavors in his small town newspaper’s weekly cooking column. My audience was tiny, thank goodness, because several of my feeble attempts ended in hilarious disaster. EASY as pie? Ha!

Fast forward to December 30, 2023. A baker’s dozen years later, I resolve to bake 50 pies in 2024. Why? Because through the years my cooking skills have gotten wimPIEr. Being focused and occuPIEd in the kitchen could be helpful theraPIEs in regaining that lost mojo. I love to gather people together, and wouldn’t PIE socials be a fun, affordable way to entertain and practice hos-PIE-tality? Who wouldn’t be hapPIEr being the reciPIEnt of a scrumptious PIEce of PIE? Who knows? Perhaps I’ll bake a PIE masterPIEce and gain a bunch of grouPIEs?

So there you have it, reasons aplenty to reprise the pies…and have punny word fun! I know if you follow along, I’ll be ins-PIE-ered!