PIE #13 - LEMON CUSTARD "TARTELINAS"

Sweet and petite. That’s what this week’s “pie” is. I’ve chosen to feature tarts, more specifically small tarts called tartlets. Tarts are typically 9-11 inches in diameter whereas tartlets measure 2-3 inches in diameter. And actually, my tartlets are even tinier at 1-inch in diameter, so let’s call them “tartletinas” because it's a fancy, fun descriptor of these wee little treats!

Another reason I chose this tiny bite-size dessert is because I was extremely short on energy last week. My daughter and I hosted our biennial “Sip & Dip” egg-dyeing eggstravganza which requires a Herculean effort to pull off and lots of eggstra time. Twenty ladies were invited and food prep for that many takes days of preparation. Pie isn’t ideal fancy buffet fare but tartlets sure are!

So please don’t quibble over these tiny nibbles. Being short on time and dime, these itsy, bitsy tarts looked ritzy, glitzy and smart. How’s that for rhyme time? And speaking of poetry, I’ve penned some short poems for my tartelinas. Because of their humble size and minimalist presence, a haiku seemed appropriate. My college major (Asian Studies) and my Japanese heritage make me quite familiar with this poetry format.

I pondered my first composition for a while. Compacting a deep insight into 17 short syllables is a challenge. But then, after the first one appeared on the page, many more poured forth. They are simple and silly but I hope you savor them!

In a demure crust
A burst of lemon flavors
Spring on the palate

Sweet lemon custard
Nestled in a tiny tart
A taste of springtime
 
A sunny custard
Interrupts winter’s long dirge
Chirping lemon notes
 
Lost in fifty pies
A tiny tartlet twinkles
Less is so much more

So there you have it, my pie haikus. Or perhaps a portmanteau is in order: PIE-KU?

Here’s the recipe. It's easy, peasy and a little Japanesey because it's so minimalist!

FILLING:

1/3 cup sugar
3 tablespoon cornstarch
Dash of salt
½ cup half-and-half
1 cup heavy cream
5 large egg yolks
1 tablespoon butter
¾ teaspoon lemon extract
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
 
2 12-count packages of mini graham cracker tart shells
1-2 teaspoons finely grated lemon zest (optional garnish)

Mix the sugar, cornstarch and salt together in a medium-size heavy saucepan. Whisk in the half-and-half, cream and egg yolks. Place over medium heat and cook, whisking constantly until the mixture begins to thicken and come to a low boil, about 5-7 minutes. Lower heat and add butter and extracts and stir in for another 2 minutes. Immediately spoon filling into tart shells. Garnish with lemon zest if desired. Cool to room temperature for 45 minutes then cover and refrigerate for several hours.

PIE #12 - IRISH CREAM

I love getting into the theme of things and with St. Patrick's Day here, a pie featuring Irish Cream liqueur will be magically delicious! A bottle of Irish Cream has been nestled in the back of my basement refrigerator for over a year. This particular bottle was procured by my daughter Kara, and it’s no ordinary bottle. It’s called Black Irish inspired by Mariah Carey, a lassie of Irish and African American descent.

My daughter was born practically dancing into the world. She loved music and would shake her cute little baby booty every time I played any song at home. Her toddlerhood was spent in Okinawa, Japan and one particular day while visiting a local park, we happened upon a children’s music festival. Cartoon characters dressed in full costume were skipping across the stage as dippy music blared over loudspeakers. Kara squiggled out of my arms, bee-lined for the stage and became the center of attention as she bee-bopped to the music.

Fast forward six years to the mid 1990s. While running errands with my kids in Kalispell, Mariah Carey’s song “Fantasy” started playing on the radio. I distinctly remember Kara trying to bust out dance moves while strapped in a seat belt in the front seat of our Chevy Astrovan. I think it was in that moment Kara became a certifiable Mariah Carey fan. And every certifiable fan will travel to see a live concert, which Kara has done. But not every fan will go the extra mile and coordinate matching outfits! 

Now at thirty-five years old, Kara has grown up to be a veritable dancing queen. She will bust out dance moves at the slightest provocation and is renowned for being the first one on the dance floor, getting the proverbial party started. Kara will ALWAYS BE MY BABY, that being a memorable Mariah tune to boot!  And is it no surprise that FANTASY plays on my cell phone every time Kara calls me?

I could hope that if Mariah ever sees this blog entry that features her Irish Cream and my chocolate crust, she would swoon over and croon about this pie’s ingredients. With one slice of its decadent richness, she'd rewrite the lyrics to her hit “WE BELONG TOGETHER” in honor of this pie.

So in honor of St. Patrick’s Day and Mariah’s Irish roots, I present to you Black Irish Cream Pie. On this ONE SWEET DAY, EMOTIONS might run high when you savor a bite! It might induce a jig. And if you eat too much, you might be jiggling!

In keeping with the St. Patty theme and my 50-pie quest, I have penned a limerick just for ye fine lads and bonnie lasses. Don some green garb and recite in your thickest Irish brogue:

It's fun to bake fifty big pies
But one thing I strongly advise
Take care as you sample
The slices are ample
They'll end on your hips and thighs!

CHOCOLATE PASTRY CRUST:

This crust is super easy made in a food processor. I got great results; flaky and flavorful!
1 cup flour
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup cold stick butter, cut into pieces
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3-4 tablespoons cold water

In a food processor, combine flour, cocoa, and sugar. Process until well blended, about 15 to 20 seconds. Add butter, turn machine (pulse) quickly on and off until mixture is in fine crumbs. With machine on, add vanilla and cold water, one tablespoon at a time. Process just until dough forms ball. Wrap dough in plastic wrap and flatten into a round disc. Refrigerate 15 minutes. Roll out dough in a 12-inch circle on wax paper. Ease gently into a lightly greased 9-inch pie pan. Trim and flute edge. Prick with fork at 1/2 inch intervals. Freeze 15 minutes. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Bake 10 to 12 minutes or until set. Cool before filling.

FILLING:

2 (8 oz.) pkg. cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons Irish Cream liqueur
1 (1/4 oz.) package unflavored gelatin
1/4 cup warm water
1 cup heavy whipping cream, whipped
Cocoa powder for garnish (optional)

Cream together cream cheese and sugar. Slowly add milk and liqueur to cheese mixture. Sprinkle gelatin on warm water; set aside 5 minutes to soften. Heat on stove or microwave until gelatin dissolves. Add dissolved gelatin to cream cheese mixture. Fold whipped cream into mixture. Pour filling into prepared crust and refrigerate at least 4 hours. Sift cocoa powder on top of pie, if desired. Store leftovers in refrigerator.

PIE #1 - Pi Day Pineapple Pie

IT’S TIME FOR A PIECE OF PI!

You knew it was coming, right? A PIE post on PI DAY! The word nerd number geek in me is giddy to ADD a special pie to my blog. There were MULTIPLE recipes to consider and I had to SUBTRACT several worthy candidates. In the end, I decided to feature a pineapple pie. Why? Because the word pineapple contains PI! Is that not geeky enough and cheeky enough for you?

I am not a math whiz. Language has always been my stronger suit, but I proudly represent my math brain pals by bravely dressing the part! 

So let's put on our thinking caps and discuss π. Trying to explain pi is like trying to describe the Trinity. It’s a universal constant, transcendental and infinite, a concept so expansive our puny human brains can’t quite wriggle it into a box.

Pi represents the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter. Dividing the circumference by the diameter of any and all circles will yield the same result. Basically, no matter how you slice pi, it will always remain a constant 3.14159. Pi (π) is also the 16th letter in the Greek alphabet. I’m on the cusp of posting 16 blog entries in my 50-pie quest. Let me number nerd out on you. Fifty pies divided by sixteen equals 3.125, as close to the pi formula as I'll get on my pie journey. And to think this has transpired on March 14, World Pi Day, the mathematical stars are truly aligned!

On this March day smack dab in the thick of Montana's "mud season", I'm craving color and sunshine. As the dingy melting snow recedes, matted tufts of brown grass are exposed, finally freed from their suffocating winter dungeon. The promise of new growth is around the corner. I've chosen this pineapple pie to herald the imminent springtime. It's sunny yellow color and bright citrus taste is a sure cure for my spring fever. The recipe is truly as easy as pie with minimal ingredients and simple steps, a quick fix to my winter blues. There is no rocket science involved and no doctorate of mathematics required, but to satisfy the nerds out there, I've dubbed it PIneapple pie.

An added bonus is the lower calorie count from lighter ingredients. Yogurt + Pineapple + Cool Whip = Yummy. There's no arguing that the result of this equation is guilt-free deliciousness. I think you'll discover that slicing across the diameter of this pie won’t add to the ratio of your circumference. So be my guest: celebrate PI with PIE!

PINEAPPLE PIE

1 20-ounce can crushed pineapple
2 6-ounce containers Yoplait pineapple yogurt
2 3.4 ounces packages sugar-free instant vanilla pudding
1 store bought low-fat graham cracker pie crust
Low-fat Cool Whip 

In a large bowl mix crushed pineapple, yogurt and pudding mix. Fold in half the container of Cool Whip. Pour into pie crust and spread evenly. Chill for several hours. Before serving top pie with more Cool Whip if desired.

PIE #10 - PIZZA!

We take a break from our regularly scheduled pie-gramming to feature a savory pie: PIZZA!

Truth be known, I’m getting weary of sweet pies. The big sweet tooth I was born with has slowly shriveled through the years. My palate has evolved. Most sugary desserts no longer hold an allure, and thankfully so as excessive sugar intake is a known health hazard.

My husband Joe has even chimed in over my weekly pie baking. He just returned from a week in Louisiana, a mecca of rich cuisine that threatened to foil his efforts at trimming his expanding waistline. So alas, the pies I bake each week present a temptation that neither of us appreciate.

With that said, I take a break this week to focus on pizza pie. Pizza has been one of my favorite meals since childhood. I recall the weekly pizzas my mom would make using a Chef Boy-ar-dee pizza kit. Remember those? Pizza in a box! Cardboard crust, ketchupy sauce, greasy discs of pepperoni floating atop! I probably loved the anticipation more than the actual pizza. And I know I loved the fact that pizza signaled the end of a school week and the start of a fun weekend. So I continued that tradition with my family with Friday pizza nights.

Early on I came across a winner crust and sauce recipe that my entire family loved. I’ve long lost the actual printed recipes but having made this meal nearly 1000 times, according to my calculations, the recipe is indelibly seared into my memory. The recipe makes two 16” pizzas. I par bake both crusts for 15 minutes. I freeze one crust for later use since we are currently a one pizza family. I love my perforated pizza pans purchased 25 years ago. They produce a lovely crust, neither too crispy nor soggy.

For a special treat, I tuck in halved mozzarella sticks into the crust edge. Just roll the dough out an extra couple of inches to encase the cheese sticks, pig-in-the-blanket style. I like to dip this part of the crust into extra marinara sauce.

So here’s my tried-and-true pizza recipe now published for posterity. I hope future generations of Cocos will continue the pizza tradition! Buon Appetito!

CRUST (makes two):

6 cups of flour (I use 4 cups unbleached white and 2 cups home-ground whole wheat)
2 teaspoons salt
2 cups warm water
1 tablespoon yeast
2 teaspoons sugar
2 tablespoons olive oil

Combine flour and salt in a large mixer bowl. (I used a KitchenAid with a dough hook attachment). Heat water to 115 degrees. Add in sugar and yeast. Wait five minutes or until water mixture begins to foam. Add water and oil to flour mixture. With dough hook attachment, knead mixture for five minutes and until a dough ball forms. Add water or flour to achieve proper consistency if necessary. Cover bowl with towel and let dough rise until doubled, about an hour.

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Divide dough in half. On a floured surface, roll dough out to fit a 16” pizza pan. Repeat with remaining dough ball. Bake in oven for 15 minutes. Remove crusts. If using only one crust, allow it to cool then wrap tightly in plastic wrap and freeze for another time. Spread half of sauce over crust. Remaining sauce can be frozen for later use.

Top with mozzarella cheese and your choice of toppings. My pizza is typically divided into quadrants. When the kids lived at home, each quadrant was topped with each person’s favorite toppings. Joe always opted for pepperoni, olives and mushrooms. I am a combination gal open to any topping except pineapple and seafood. My sweet little granddaughter likes veggie toppings and who knows what the twins will favor once they start eating solid food. I have a hunch I’ll be baking two pizzas at a time by then! Buon Appetito!

MARINARA SAUCE:

2 tablespoons olive oil
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 6 ounce can tomato paste
1 teaspoon Italian seasoning
1 teaspoon sugar
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon pepper
2 15 ounce cans tomato sauce

Heat olive oil in a large pot over medium-high heat. Add garlic and sauté until golden brown. Add the tomato sauce, tomato paste, seasoning, sugar, salt and pepper and bring to a simmer. Simmer on low heat for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally.  This sauce can be used over pasta as well. Makes enough for 2 16” pizzas.

PIE #9 - PISTACHIO AND CHOCOLATE CREAM

 It’s March and a couple of my pies this month will be wearing green in honor of St. Patrick’s Day. I chose to make a Pistachio and Chocolate Cream pie for a couple of reasons. My hubby Joe returns home after being gone for a week visiting his folks in Louisiana. He loved my chocolate cream pie featured in January and he also likes pistachios almost as much as he loves peanuts.

FUN FACT: Joe dislikes nuts. But guess what? Peanuts aren’t nuts. They’re legumes. Pistachios aren’t nuts. They’re seeds. Who knew?? This explains why Joe likes them both!

FUN FACT: Pistachios have a much higher calorie-to-protein ratio that most nuts, boasts a high level of antioxidants second only to walnuts and pecans, and are a good source of unsaturated fatty acids and potassium.

So I suppose we can indulge in pie and sneak in some healthy eating, too! And speaking of nutrition, dark chocolate is packed with healthy chemicals like flavonoids and theobromine. Research shows chocolate has cardiovascular benefits, lowering blood pressure and reducing heart attack risks.

Of course, the sugar, butter and half-and-half in this recipe cancel out all that healthy stuff!

But an old Irish proverb states, “Laughter is brightest where food is best.” And I’ll add the word “fun”. So “carpe diem”, or “carpe PIEm” because we have today and aren’t assured of tomorrow. So seize the day AND the pie because life’s too short not to enjoy it!

CRUST:

24 chocolate wafers
1/3 cup salted roasted pistachios, shelled
3 tablespoons sugar
3 tablespoons butter, softened

FILLING:

¾ cup sugar
3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
1 ½ tablespoons cornstarch
1/8 teaspoon salt
1 ½ cups half-and-half
3 egg yolks
¾ cup finely chopped bittersweet chocolate
3 tablespoons butter
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Garnish: 2/3 cups chopped roasted salted pistachios

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Spray a 9-inch pie plate with nonstick cooking spray. In the work bowl of a food processor, combine wafers and pistachios for crust; pulse until finely ground, approximately 10 times. Add sugar and butter’ pulse until blended, approximately 4-5 times. Using the back of a measuring cup, press wafer mixture into the bottom and up the sides of pie plate. Bake for 9-11 minutes. Let cool completely on a wire rack.

In a medium saucepan, combine sugar, cocoa, cornstarch and salt for filling. Add half-and-half and egg yolks, whisking well. Bring to a boil over medium high heat, stirring constantly. Reduce heat to medium; cook, stirring constantly, until thickened and bubble, about 2 minutes. Remove from heat.

Add chocolate, butter and vanilla, stirring until chocolate and butter are melted. Pour into prepared crust. Let cool for 10 minutes on a wire rack.

Place a piece of plastic wrap directly over surface of filling. Refrigerate until firm. Remove plastic wrap and smooth surface of pie. Garnish with pistachios.

PIE 8 - SHOW ME THE DOUGH!

You need no innuenDOUGH to see that this blog entry is all about DOUGH and borders on DOUGHpiness.

I grew up in the shaDOUGH of an accomplished cook. My mom was a DOUGHmestic goddess way before Martha Stewart boasted the title. She was an avid gardener, seamstress and cook and kept our home as neat as a pin. She loved the color purple!

As a teenager none of my mom's stellar homemaking skills rubbed off on me, , but as a young bride I was motivated to master DOUGHmesticity. The kitchen became my favored DOUGHmain and my creDOUGH was “All or Nothing”. With great passion I tackled complicated recipes and procedures, mastering a few but failing spectacularly at others.

Pie DOUGH, for instance. Last week’s crust failure left me feeling like a DOUGH-DOUGH brain! You’d think after 40 years of cooking for my family, I could bake a basic pie crust. It's apparent I’m just a pseuDOUGH pie maker pretending to know all about DOUGH.

Thank goodness for Marian, the DOUGHyenne of DOUGH! I got to know Marian last year during our church’s trip to the Holy Land (Marian is front row right in the photo). She’s fun and sassy and exudes a joie de vivre that I admire. She offered to give me a crust tutorial and I gratefully accepted this winDOUGH of opportunity to receive guidance!

Upon arriving at Marian’s home, she let me choose an apron to wear. Her charming collection has sentimental value. She has an apron that belonged to her mom and another that belonged to her grandmother. I chose to wear a purple gingham one in remembrance of my mom’s favorite color. 

Marian then pulled out her pie crust recipe that a high school friend shared years ago. The 3 x 5 card had stains and smudges, proof positive of a tried-and-true go-to recipe. After gathering the ingredients, Marian assembled the necessary implements for pie making: pastry mat, marble rolling pin, whisk, DOUGH scraper, pastry blender, large bowl and measuring cups and spoons.

Then we got down to business. Flour and salt were whisked together. Shortening was cut-in using the pastry blender until coarsely integrated. Egg, water and vinegar were whisked together then added to the bowl. Marian demonstrated how to lightly knead the DOUGH just until it held together, adding water if necessary to achieve the proper consistency.

The DOUGH was then shaped into a log, cut in half (this recipe makes two crusts), wrapped in plastic wrap and chilled for half an hour. One DOUGH ball was placed on a floured pastry mat and gently rolled using the mat’s circle template as a guide. Using a knife, excess DOUGH that had rolled past the circle was trimmed. The DOUGH was then gently folded into quarters and placed into a 9-inch pie plate. The procedure was repeated for the second crust.

Any filling that requires baking can be used in this recipe. I chose to keep things simple and used canned cherry pie filling. Marian dotted the filling with ¼ cup butter for a flavor and texture boost. The second crust went atop the filled pie plate. Marian demonstrated how to crimp the DOUGH edge and seal it. She cut slits in the top of the crust to allow heat to vent as the pie baked. She mentioned she likes to get creative and sometimes etches the letter “M” into the crust. And how perfect is that - “M for Marian my marvelous friend and “M” in memory of my mom.

I toted the pie home and baked it the next day (400 degrees for 40 minutes) and am thrilled to say Marian’s crust recipe was a success! Talk about a rush of DOUGHpamine! Even though we inadvertently used whole wheat flour instead of all-purpose, the end product was well-liked by Joe who happens to prefer whole grains anyway.

I am a big aficionaDOUGH of this recipe and so very grateful Marian DOUGHnated her time to teach me. And now that my weirDOUGH word play has reached a crescenDOUGH, I close with this:

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
DOUGH.
DOUGH who?
DOUGHn’t ever give up trying!

PIE #7 - PEANUT BUTTER & CHOCOLATE ESPRESSO

Never judge a book by its cover. That old adage proved true for this week's pie. For the first time this year, I attempted a rolled dough crust which at first looked very promising. The dough rolled out with ease and with extra dough to spare. I formed some of the remaining dough into tiny balls and tucked them neatly into the crimped edges to create a fancy border.

But as I par-baked the crust, those dough balls decided to abandon the mothership and meet their perilous death on the floor of my oven where they burned to a hellish crisp. When my nose alerted me to that telltale acrid odor, I ran to open the oven door and was met by billows of smoke. I rescued the crust which thankfully hadn’t burned but had shriveled and sunk halfway down the pie plate.

I AM THE MASTER OF PIE DISASTER! I AM THE MISTRESS OF DISTRESS!

Rather than toss the crust and start over (because truth be known, I’m becoming exasperated with this 50-pie endeavor!), I decided to proceed with the recipe. The filling recipe promised voluminous fluffiness which could cover up my crust abomination.

And as it turned out, the filling did indeed camouflage the disaster. The filling recipe boasts the winning combination of chocolate and peanut butter so favored by my husband.

After chilling the pie for a few hours, I sampled it and wasn’t impressed. Because the crust had collapsed into itself like an imploding black star, I found the texture was way too dense and of cardboard consistency. My hubby, however, deemed it worthy. He in fact stated it was my best tasting pie so far.

To each his own!

The recipe was featured in the Hoffman Publishing Company’s 2023 Best Pie Recipes. I don’t trust the crust recipe and I certainly don’t trust my crust-making abilities, so proceed with caution.

The day after this crust debacle, I thankfully received a baking tutorial from my lovely friend Marian. I will share my wonderful experience with that in my next blog entry. Stay tuned!